What am I doing it for?

It’s still raining. Really? Does anyone know a sundance or something? I know I get anoying complaining about the weather, especially when I publicly announced my try on possitive attitude, but I didn’t think the weather was going to seriously test me.

What I wanted to talk about is this, I started going to the gym( working out in public.. also pushing myself there), but what I want to say is not exactly about working out.

I want to gain weight… yes, I am one of those people. When I hit puberty I also got a slight hormonal imbalance…the point is, I was skinny as a stick figure. In the last two years it got better and I managed to gain a little weight, but I could still use some more. This was often an insecurity of mine. Being told I was to skinny by people who I considered friends and who were supposed to know better. Growing up, all the girls around me started getting curves and of course all of the boy’s attention and I didn’t get neither the curves or the attention. Yes, I know, it seems silly now, but back then it didn’t. A snarky remark made by my friend that “only dogs p.lay with bones and real man like meat”.. all those things make a mark somewhere.

So yes, I liked to think that I was working out and trying to gain weight just for me, because I do believe that if you feel good about yourself, you are going to look good and the other way around, but thinking back at this made me realise that maybe I wasn’t doing it just for me. An insecure part of me is surely just looking for approval from other people, wants to be “sexy” for other people. We allready astablished that everyone in the media is trying to tell us what we should look like and it doesn’t feel good either when people start telling you to your face.I think acknowledging that you want to change something in your appearence to appeal to others, you take some of the power back, if that makes sence. Today, I am not sick, I eat more than enough and I am comfortable with my body, but I see that I can improve it so I can feel even more comfortable with it. I will keep working on myself until I am happy with myself and if other people are happy, that’s great and if not, that’s fine with me. I will acknowledge that comments about my appearence have an effect on me and work on that, because at the end of the day, I am doing it for me.


7 thoughts on “What am I doing it for?

  1. Jenn says:

    As much as we’d like to deny it, when people make comments about us, especially about our appearance, it gets to us. I’m getting to the point where I’m confident in my own skin without the approval of others, and it sounds like you’re there, but every once and a while I have those insecure days. You’ll push through. A good strength workout makes me feel strong, confident and powerful. Get out your frustration in the gym!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dmytry says:

    Yup, the sad reality we live in. Its nice to think that your outward appearance doesn’t matter, but in reality, it tends to affect alot, especially first impressions. One thing that trumps actual appearance is confidence. But unfortunatly its rare to have one without the other. The good thing is the world is filled with people with diferent mindsets. For some your are too skinny, for some you are perfect, for other, well your still on the heavy side. It comes down to perspective so yeah, if you are to hit the gym and alter your appearance, do it for you. Your confidence will sharpen and your mood will definitely take a turn for the better. I had a weight problem myself, couldn’t gain a pound of anything. A bit of hard work and dedication and I achieved my weight goals. I also started a website about it called healthgaincenter.com this week. Just to say, I personally think your perfect just the way you are. You don’t have anything to be insecure about when it comes to how you look. Now the grammar mistakes you make in your posts, that can use some work. 😛


  3. jesuisshik says:

    Zuzu, I dont know you but you sound beautiful. Those men after meat, good luck to them. You will find the right person the one who is after sunstance and class. Everyone has their own path in life thats why we are all different. Hope you find your path soon, lifes more than what you see. Have an amazing life ✨

    Liked by 1 person

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